I know this is supposed to be a blog about acting...but I couldn't resist.

I have spent the past fifteen years working with children and though I am not a parent myself I have learned a few important things. One of these insights in particular, has reconfirmed my decision to be a stay at home mom. The realization is this: kids, especially young ones will ask deep questions at the most random times, often during the routine activities of the day. They just say what they are thinking. You can't schedule important conversations. Though scheduling time with children is important and should be done it doesn't necessarily mean that the child will wait to ask that important question during the appointed time.

Just last week I started a new nanny job. I had only been on the job a few hours when, while playing badminton, the little girl asked me about tattoos and if I had any friends that have them. A deep conversation followed about things such as judging others, making mistakes, our bodies, and what makes a person 'good.' There we were playing badminton having this important conversation when we had only known each other for a few hours!

At my previous job it was during the seemingly mundane activities of the day that we had our most important conversations. We discussed honesty, expressing our emotions, and being genuine while riding the bus. Walking through the city we talked about being ourselves and why we don't necessarily want to be like everyone else. During these moments that I felt sad because I knew that ideally these were conversations meant for parent and child, not nanny and child. I was sad for her mother knowing that she was missing out on these moments.

I also believe there are no such things as routine activities with children. You are not just washing dishes, just playing cars, or just reading stories. You are building relationships with your kids, being there ready and willing to answer any question they have just like Heavenly Father is with us. We can pray to him at anytime day or night and he will hear and answer us. I just want to be as available to my children as Heavenly Father is to his.

I know a mother can't be there 100% of the time and I don't necessarily think she should be, after all I think it is good for mothers to pursue their own interests and hobbies. I am simply stating that you can't plan when a young child will want to discuss something important. The mother that chooses to work has to realize that she will be missing out on such conversations with her children. I also know it takes a village to raise a child which is why it is important to have good teachers at school and church and good nannies. I am grateful for the opportunities I have had to teach and love so many children over the past ten years. I have learned so much!

12 Reasons Why I Love My Holey Tennis Shoes

Last May when my mother came to visit I showed her my holey tennis shoes. She was shocked of course and insisted that we go buy new shoes. "Nah" I replied, "I'd rather go see another Broadway show." And that's what we did! It occurred to me that I could see two shows for the price of new sneakers. I hate buying new shoes and I love seeing Broadway shows so why waste money on tennis shoes when I can see shows on Broadway instead! Supposedly Van Gogh, or one of the famous artists would buy paint instead of food. I love food but I think I might understand how they felt, just a little bit.

1. Celebration & Reflection, Part 2

 While walking through Lincoln Center we came across this poster advertising this concert by two famous composers/conductors, Bob Chilcott and Rene Clausen. I didn't know about them but mom did so I suggested we get tickets. That is what you do when you are on vaction in NYC, you just walk around until you find a show you like and you buy tickets for it. We went that night and she loved it. I liked it too but with her background I know she appreciated it alot more than I did!

2. Kenneth Brannagh in MACBETH- need I say more?

A new friend, Courtney Young had an extra ticket so I was able to go with her and my good friend, Malia. It was amazing! I wish I could have taken pictures during the show. We were able to sit and talk with a few cast members afterwards which was great!

3. The Cripple of Inishmaan starring Daniel Radcliffe.

This one was probably my favorite. I am realizing more and more how much I love plays. They are about people and relationships. They shed light on the human condition in a deep, entertaining way. It's like the audience doesn't even know they are being taught, enlightened; you leave the theater a different person than you were at the beginning of the play. This play was a revival, an amazing story. The best part was the end when the plot twist was revealed, there was an audible gasp in the audience. (I guess I wasn't the only one who didn't know about the story.) It was superbly acted and left me with a greater desire to do my own acting and bring such stories to audiences everywhere.

4. Newsies: The Musical

If you missed Newsies on Broadway you missed something special. It is starting a tour in North Amercian in October so you still have a chance. This show is amazing. The music, singing, and dancing are fabulous. I think I cried the first time I saw it as did my mother. I have seen it three times and would see it again in a heartbeat! At every performance the audience went wild and the cast received a standing ovation.

5. Matilda

This was the third show I saw with my mom when she came in May. Some of the songs were so funny. I thoroughly enjoyed the scenery and sets. I particularly enjoyed the song "When I Grow Up." The children sang it as they swung on swings on stage. The young actors were very good. I found the story very touching but of course any story where a young child yearns for a happy family will cause me to choke up.

6. IF/THEN starring Idina Menzel but thankfully we saw the understudy.

A friend had comp tickets so of course I took advantage and went. I sat with my friend Lizzie. Idina Menzel was not performing (maybe that's why we had comp tickets) so we saw the understudy. She was fabulous! Call me crazy but I am not a big fan of Menzel. However the story was interesting. It followed one womans life, showing how life would have been different had she stayed in Central Park to meet a boy instead of leaving with friends. It answers the ever present question, "What if?"

7. Les Miserables

Ten years ago I saw this show on Broadway and was sorely disappointed, the cast was not quite Broadway quality. Needless to say I was hoping this time would be different. It was fabulous, so much better than last time. The sets were great. The singing was amazing. I would definitely see it again. The story is inspired, one of my favorites. Though I must say the music is so grand and perfect I don't think I will ever see a production that lives up to the quality of the music. Does that make sense? Maybe that is just because I grew up listening to the 10th anniversary concert version where they used all of the best singers.

8. Bullets Over Broadway: The Muscial

Saw this with my roommate Jordyn. It was silly and cute, a good time minus that one inappropriate song. We did get to sit on the first row. I love being close enough to see them spit as they sing and speak.

9. Of Mice And Men starring James Franco and Chris O'Dowd

This was a fabulous show. Chris O'Dowd was amazing. I forgot how sad this story was until the end came. Brittany and I really enjoyed the show. I can't believe I get to see this quality of theater anytime!!!

10. Shakespeare in the Park's Much Ado About Nothing 

Despite being exhausted I thoroughly enjoyed this show. The two leads were amazing. It was fun to see Brian Stokes Mitchell perform too.

11. You Can't Take It With You starring many, including James Earl Jones

My friend Melody found out at the last minute she had an extra ticket. Ten minutes after I read her Facebook message I was on the train. Now that I am living on Long Island I won't be able to go to a show at the drop of a hat guess it's time to buy new sneakers.

This show was hilarious! It is also a revival, a story about a quirky family and their daughters attempt to marry. It was refreshing to see a funny, clean family type show on Broadway.

12. Phantom of the Opera starring my friend Deanna Doyle as Meg Giry

Unlike Les Miserables I felt like this show did live up to the grandeur of the music. I loved the show; it also helped that I had a friend in it. She was amazing. It was so fun to see her on stage! But really the singing was fabulous, the sets were great, and the costumes were amazing! It was an incredible show. Afterwards Deanna took me backstage for a few minutes. She showed me where she does most of her quick changes and the slippery stage she has to dance on.

It turns out my mom and I did go shopping for walking shoes. Of course they didn't have a small enough size so I didn't buy anything that day. I have yet to order the walking shoes but just last week I finally bought new sneakers. I went jogging in them this morning, my first run on Long Island. It's nice to have new tennis shoes but I sure do love attending Broadway shows too!

Catching up!

Life has been crazy so I will just give you a few highlights from spring and summer.

April- I said good bye to this pretty woman. She left me for...Oklahoma City! Can you believe it? And of course she is loving it, the freedom of a car, the slower pace, and the nicer, God-fearing people of the Midwest. Sorry NYC but it's true. I miss her, it hasn't been the same since she left.

About to take a ride on the Hudson in the sailboat behind us.

May- My mother came to visit me for the first time. We had a fabulous time. We saw three shows, ate at fun places and visited the 9/11 Memorial Museum. Perhaps the best part of the trip was when my mother told me that I should just do it, just to school for acting. I cried as she said it. I know I am a grown woman and that I don't necessarily need my mother's approval but it sure is nice to have it. There is something about the love and support of a mother....

Crossing the Brooklyn Bridge

During May I also got to visit my friend Lynne and her family in Rochester, NY. We had a great time visiting Church history sites and attending the Lilac festival.

Hill Cumorah with Lynne and Joanie, both former roommates!

Beautiful Lilacs

June- Must have been pretty normal because not much is sticking out. I did however come across Mt. Rushmore made entirely of beef jerky. Now, that is something you don't see everyday!

Yummy!

July- Spent a few days in Virginia Beach visiting these crazy people that I love! We watched a baseball game, saw some fireworks, went to an aquarium, and swam at the beach. It was an amazing weekend.

Sharks freak me out! I never swim in deep ocean water, never!

Does this picture even need a caption?

I also got to attend my family reunion in Utah. We had a blast with parents, all six kids and spouses and sixteen grandkids. Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures but my siblings did and I can't wait to see them! I also got to visit this pretty lady while in Utah. It's always good to catch up with former roommates especially when they are your grandma!

Now you all know where I get my good looks!

August- Watched a Mets game with these beauties who also happen to be some of my best friends. After the game we enjoyed a concert by Boyz II Men.

I am blessed with amazing friends!

To Jump or Not To Jump? That is the Question

They say when you are learning a new skill progress isn't necessarily a gradual incline but more like steps. You improve a little and then hit a plateau. You are on the plateau for awhile until you have a break through or learn something new and your skills increase until you hit another plateau and the cycle continues. So I feel like I have been on this plateau for awhile now. I think I know what I need to do but am just a little hesitant. Let me explain.

I have already written about the need to be vulnerable in acting but for some reason is seems to be a reoccurring theme. Some of my walls have come down, okay maybe one or two but there are still so many up. Why is this so scary for me? Why can't I just be myself? I am so frustrated! It seems to come so easily for others. Well, for one thing walls make us safe. We carry them around with us, our own cage. I can appear adventurous by moving to NYC and pursuing my dream of performing but changing my interior is much more difficult. Unfortunately I brought my walls with me to NYC. They will always be with me unless I decide to do something about them.

So what is the answer? Vulnerability. I must jump off a cliff and plunge into the unknown giving up what little control I think I have. What? No thanks. I know this is what I need to do though. In order to progress in my acting career I need to expose myself by being vulnerable. I feel like this man overlooking the cliff.

Actually, I feel like I have been at the cliff for quite sometime, pacing back and forth for days, weeks, and months debating whether I should jump or not. Acting class helps but the idea is so scary! What will happen if I do jump? What if there is nothing down there to catch me? What if I regret jumping, there is no way to get back up! What is even at the bottom? I can't see what is down there. So I wait, I pace and debate should I jump or should I not. Meanwhile precious time is wasting!

For obvious reasons, a couple of my favorite sayings are, "Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, that's where the fruit is" or "A ship in a harbor is safe but that's not what ships are made for." So I ponder and pray that the pacing will stop and that one day I will be able to do it, just jump over the edge! And perhaps, just maybe, I'll get used to it? I might even start to enjoy it.

Rocky and Bridges of Madison County

A few weeks ago I went to see Rocky with Brenda and my Aunt Lynette. We had amazing seats, front row on the left side. The show was fantastic! I loved it! I thought all of the songs were perfectly placed in the story. This movie is one of my favorites, who doesn't love an underdog who also ends up with the girl? How can you not fall in love with Rocky's simple yet genuine approach to life. Rocky was not only persistent in the ring but also in his pursuit of Adrian. She clearly gave him no encouragement but that did not stop him! Their relationships is one of the best in Hollywood movies.

The acting and singing was great! There was definite chemistry between characters. The costumes and sets were great. It was like watching the movie, only with music. At the end they took about twelve rows of audience members and sat them on the stage while the boxing ring was rolled out on top of the empty seats. Right there during the show the theater was transformed into a boxing arena with audience on all four sides.

My favorite part was when Adrian blows up at Paulie. Rocky and Adrian are decorating their Christmas tree when a drunk Paulie comes in cursing, insulting Adrian and demanding that she come home with him. Adrian who is a quiet, reserved woman has had enough; she lets him have it, in a song of course! Rocky, the big tough guy, who could take Paulie down in one second, just stands back and lets her handle it. I love that Rocky respects Adrian and believes in her enough to allow her to handle the situation herself. It was an exhilarating pro woman moment as Adrian tells Paulie that she will no longer put up with his abuse. I loved it!

Love wins!

We also saw Bridges of Madison County. We saw it with my aunt when she was here but since then Brenda and I have seen it again. This show is amazing! The music is beautiful. Kelli O'hara is flawless. I love her voice. She sings so effortlessly. Steven Pasquale was wonderful too. I have no doubt every woman in the room was in love with him by the end of the show.

The subject matter was not the best, a woman cheating on her husband. It is probably not the best to be routing for an affair. I have never wanted someone to leave their family so bad in my life. Any show that produces this kind of desire can't be good (unless the family is abusive or something but this was not the case). But to her credit, Franny makes the right choice and stays with her family, forever blessing the lives of her children. Despite knowing this is the right choice I couldn't start myself from searching for a way that she could have both, the man she loved and stay with her children. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Of course, one part of the story that is left out is how her husband feels about all of this. I know, I know it is only a fictional story but I believe it only proves what an amazing story it is if I can sit and stew about it for days on end. I am left questioning, can you have a relationship with passion and fulfill your duty at the same time? Must I choose one or the other? Don't all relationships start out with passion and then change to duty? Why does the passion die? Must it die?

Before the show (the first time)

Why I like acting better

Yesterday I auditioned for "Dirty Dancing". The audition went well. There were almost 400 people there. After they taught us a little cha-cha combination, we practiced it a few times and then performed it for the auditors. They asked maybe five from each group of 40 to stay and sing. At the end they explained that they were looking for a very specific type to fill some spots in the show. Ugh! Really? Do they say this to make us feel better? If they want a tall brunette why don't they just look at our pictures and type cast?

This is one thing I do not like about musical theater. You have to sing, dance, act AND look like the previous person that had role. I have seen Newsies on Broadway three times and the woman that plays Katherine always looks the same even though I know they have replaced the original actress. The potential people that can play most of the roles is SO limited! It makes getting a job even harder than it should be. Some of you might say straight acting is the same way but I disagree. Yes, directors have an idea of what they are looking for but I feel like there is greater flexibility for who can play the role.

The director of The Graduate was looking for a tall handsome, basketball player type to play the lead but then Dustin Hoffman auditioned. He did so well, the director through his ideal out the window and hired Hoffman. I know this can happen in musicals too but it seems less likely. With straight acting you can be yourself and really create a role, your interpretation of the role. In musicals I feel like I have to fit a certain type before I can even be considered for the role. Acting feels much more flexible and creative, there isn't a box I have to fit in. I just have to be myself in the circumstances that the character lives in. It is so much more open-ended.

The waiting room for Dirty Dancing audition. Not picture are the hundreds of people waiting in the hallway.

Acting Class: Learning to Bare All

Apart from the nudity, acting classes have been going very well. Why these young actors think they have to be willing to do and say anything is beyond me. I feel like shaking them and telling them that is is okay to have standards! You don't have to sell yourself!

I was assigned to work with my friend Kelsey, who I love. We worked on my scene from Doubt together. She is a great actress. She had a scene from a contemporary play that I can't the title. In the scene there are two women sitting on a bus who find out that they both left their husbands. We did the scene and I just went for it again! I was myself, which is really hard because you always think you have to 'act' like how the character would act but really you are just supposed to be yourself in the circumstances of the scene. This makes me nervous because I like wearing a mask, it is much safer that way. But I just went for it. I owned it! I wasn't nervous to be myself, I just did it and I was confident.

My teacher and other students were shocked! They couldn't believe how well I did! I couldn't either, really, I don't know where the confidence is coming from! I mean I am sure Heavenly Father is answering the prayers and fasting I have given in regards to this subject. I am so grateful. And I am having so much fun!

Anyway so while one student was literally stripping I was doing a little stripping myself(there is that stripper analogy again), figuratively that is. Yes, I was letting my walls fall down, allowing myself to be vulnerable. I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin, clothed skin albeit but one thing at a time. This is a huge step for me and I am so excited about it!

I did it! I did it!

Last Thursday I participated in a one night workshop. It was an opportunity to perform and I took it. There were eight of us and we each spent 15 minutes working on one song. My friend Rance coached us. I sang "I'll Know" from Guys and Dolls.

It went so well! I don't know what happened. I wasn't nervous. I didn't care what other people thought of me. I just jumped right in and sang, making any adjustment he asked for. The second time I danced while I sang. The next time I sang it like a stalker. This was so fun! I was committed and went with it. After that I sang it like I would never marry. The last time I sang it like I was trying to convince myself that I really would know my love when I saw him. This I believe is the true meaning of the song. It went well. I wasn't nervous but was rather concerned with how well I was acting. The other performers said it was beautiful, one girl looked like she had tears in her eyes.

It was so fun to sing without nerves! I felt so liberated, I was not weighed down with care of what the others would think of me. I was shocked by my behavior. I didn't expect such confidence! I didn't even beat myself when I sang the wrong rhythms or words. I was pleasantly surprised with myself. It felt so good!

Three in One Week

Last week I actually went to three auditions in one week. I know this is probably normal for my acting friends but it is quite a lot for me.

The first was for a cabaret show. I was able to sing two songs at the audition! And I had an appointment. None of this waiting around for six hours to sing for ten seconds! I sang My New Philosophy and Fine, Fine Line. I was extremely nervous of course. Philosophy didn't go so well. Being nervous messed with my voice which is shaky on that song anyway. Fine, fine line went better but then again I have performed that song before so that helped. It was a good experience. It was so nice to be able to see two songs!

The second was a dance audition for The Music Man in some city in New York. They taught us the little dance to Shipoopi. I could actually do the dance! This was so refreshing. It actually doesn't happen as often as you think, considering the other girls in the audition are 15 years younger and way more flexible than I am. It was fun to do the dance but as I stood there I still had the thought, "I don't want to do this." This was odd. Usually I have that thought when I know there is no way I can do the dance but that wasn't the case this time. I shrugged it off and did my thing. It went well.

The third audition was another dance audition, this time it was for a theater company in Maine. It was a joke. There were so many girls there that they type cast us. They took us in 50 at a time, lined us up and let us do a time step and pirouette one at a time. Just one problem, I don't know what a time step is! I know it is a tap step but couldn't do one. It was embarrassing. I did it or tried to at least and then hurried home.

Just an old picture from when I was in Annie in Utah.

Two Reviews: After Midnight and The Glass Menagerie

Over the past few weeks I have been able to see two shows on Broadway. The first show, "After Midnight" I saw with my cousin, Brenda.  It was different, more of a concert style show. There was no story just musical numbers. The music was from the 1930s in Harlem. Dule Hill was the star, along with Fantasia. I am a fan of Dule Hill. He was great, playing the role of a sort of narrator. He did a little singing and dancing but it was clear he was brought in for his star power. Fantasia is apparently from American Idol.

I loved this show! It reminded me of the Alvin Ailey dance company. The production is so aesthetically pleasing you can't help but smile. They coordinate the lights, music, and costumes to give their audience an experience rather than tell a story. It is breathtaking! It is so beautiful! And I don't know what it is about watching black people dance but it is amazing! They are so natural, nothing looks choreographed or mechanical. They are not dancing to the music but instead music appears to be coming out of their bodies, as if the music would stop if they stopped dancing. The singing was so good. They sing like they dance, full of emotion, giving their whole soul to the song.

The Glass Menagerie starred Cherry Jones, Zachary Quinto, Celia Keenan-Bolger, and Brian J. Smith. I was really excited to see this production but unfortunately it did not live up to my expectations. It was more difficult to get swept up in the story. I just wasn't feeling it. Mr. Quinto was the most interesting one to watch. I was not particularly convinced that Ms. Keenan-Bolger had a leg problem. At times I couldn't understand Ms. Jones's lines. While the second half was better than the first I just didn't quite believe the characters were real. The more I study acting the more I realize just how difficult this is, to convince the audience that they are not watching a play but rather watching real people live their lives on stage. It makes me both excited and nervous to pursue my dream of acting.

My friend Brittany and I after the show.

Famous Friends!

It is always inspiring when friends you know achieve their dreams. I have two close friends that are well on their way. It has been good to meet with them and rejoice in their success!

One such friend is Deanna Doyle. We danced together all through high school. We reconnected about a year ago when we ended up in the same ballet class. It was so good to see her; it's probably been 15 years or more. It was even more fun to realize that we both lived in Harlem. She is a beautiful dance/performer and was recently cast as "Meg" in Phantom of the Opera on Broadway. I have only seen Phantom in Las Vegas. I am so proud of her and look forward to watching her perform in her Broadway debut.

A few weeks ago another life long friend, Lisa Donnelly, was here performing. I met Lisa in the third grade when I was the shy, new girl. My family had just moved to Lawrence and Lisa and Emily, were the first two to befriend me. They were so kind, giving me a group of friends to which I could belong.   We have been friends ever since.

Lisa is a singer/songwriter(who during high school studied voice with my mom). She has produced several CD's and performed all over the country. It was so fun to see her perform live at the Rockwood Music Hall! She was amazing. We were able to chat for a few minutes. It was really good to see her and see what an amazing artist she has become. Of course I bought two of her CDs!

Happy 2014!

This post is kind of late in coming, maybe 31 days late. I just wanted to share a few of my New Year's resolutions. You know, they say if you tell them to someone it helps make you more accountable for them. People know what you are up to and can "check up on you." They can ask about your progress.

I must admit I was really excited for the new year, I mean really excited. I love new beginnings! Everything will be different, better! Imagine how shocked I was when life just continued on like it was before. It was hard to take. For a few weeks I was really depressed, didn't want to do anything. Life was really hard for awhile. It might have been the lack of change or just hormones (I like to blame everything on hormones) but whatever it was I am glad it is over! Now on to these goals.

1. Read the entire Old Testament
2. Study one composer/month
3. Read one biography/month
4. Become more humble
5. Move career forward (This involves another list of smaller goals.)
6. Pray more earnestly
7. Serve faithfully in my callings
8. Aim to do one thing every week that scares me
9. Pay off some bills
10. Exercise more often (whatever that means! Lol!)

As you can see I have a lot to work on. After one month I can think of a few goals that could use some revision. I can't believe one month has already passed! Only 11 more to go. I better get busy!

What the &*$^#? Profanity in Acting

I know throughout my acting career I will be faced with many decisions regarding my standards. I am aware of this and have accepted it as part of my job. I do have "a line" that I will not cross but it can only be defined as I proceed with my acting career. As situations in acting class or auditions come up I will have to look the script over, consider the message and decide what I will do. As the years pass my "line" will become more clear.

I am not opposed to swearing in acting. I prefer not to of course, but I also know that no one is perfect. I will have the chance to portray some very real, flawed characters. For this reason I will be very picky when deciding what scenes and plays I will do and what ones I will not do. I am always on the search for clean scenes to use it acting class. While I don't mind swearing some I don't feel it is necessary for me to do while learning the skill of acting. There are so many wonderful plays out there to study. I am convinced that one can learn to be an amazing actor without have to speak like a sailor.

A few weeks ago I attended a workshop with a casting director that works on several TV shows. Each of us received sides(lines to read) to read at the workshop. I thought, "it's a TV show, the sides are five or six lines long, how many swear words can there be?" Well, apparently, there can be quite a few, needless to say I was surprised. I was not going to read my part. After looking over the sides that were given to other actors (which were not filled with swear words) I decided I would ask for different sides. Clearly, if these other actors had sides with no profanity it wouldn't be difficult to provide me with a cleaner set of sides. The woman in charge emailed the casting director who happily provided me with a better option. I was grateful but also kind of nervous, wondering if I had just made some blacklist because I wouldn't do what they asked. But I went and did my lines, the casting director never mentioned it and could've cared less. Phew! I was glad it worked out!

The next day in acting class a guy in my class had a scene but didn't have a partner. I got volunteered which I was grateful for but I didn't have a chance to prescreen it! What was I getting myself into? I quickly tried to scan it to get a sense of the scene, like how inappropriate it was. My teacher told me not to read it. I could just read it cold, she said. Little did she know I was skimming it for swear words! The little I read seemed okay so I went with it. The scene went well. I said the few swear words that were in it. It went well. It was not nearly as bad as it could have been.

Acting is going well. I love my class. The teacher is great and I am learning a lot. I am finding plenty of good, clean scenes to work on. I am currently working on a scene from Doubt. I am very comfortable being a nun; it comes quiet natural to me. And there will be no profanity! Win, win!

My Biggest Fan!

Many of you know I spent almost a year and a half living with and caring for my grandma. It was such a good experience. To little kids grandma is a fun, loving, caring person. This is wonderful and how it should be but I got to know my grandma's personality. I learned what annoyed her, what made her laugh, and what she worried about. I came to know her as a person, a person with desires, ideas and feelings. I am ashamed to say that sometimes I even hurt her feelings. I am least proud of those moments. But to her credit she always forgave me (it helped that her memory was going). No, but she is really one of the most patient, forgiving, loving, considerate people I know.

And she listened to me sing the same songs over and over as I prepared to move to NYC. She is my favorite audience! Many times over the years I have played my flute for her and sang for her. She sits quietly with a smile on her face, soaking in the sometimes beautiful music I make. She never tires of hearing me. She never judges or criticizes my wrong notes or mistakes. She just sits and enjoys. She always tells me how lovely the music is and what a good job I am doing.

Needless to say I miss her. If only the casting directors would respond in such a way, instead I get rejection after rejection. But all I need to do is remember my grandma. She loves me, she thinks I am amazing! These are the things I tell myself whenever I get down. It does help that I get to talk with her on the phone. She is always supportive and kind. Below is one of the conversations we had:

Grandma: You are a winner to me! I don't know why it takes them so long to figure it out!

Me: You are my favorite audience, grandma!

Grandma: I like being your audience, I just wish it did you some good.

Me: It does do me good! (Then I explained how her support helps me.)

She is not really a big city girl so she has a hard time understanding why I moved here. She is constantly asking if I still like it and when I am coming back. She said this the other day, "I really wish you wouldn't like it there so you would come back but I know you like it so I won't wish that. I'm glad you are happy." Isn't she amazing? So selfless and thoughtful. I hope I can be like her someday! I assured her that I would see her next summer. I also promised that as soon as I am rich and famous my money would go to plane tickets to visit her more often!

I think this is Memorial Day visiting my grandpa's grave.

Auditions, auditions, auditions

I did go to more auditions than I wrote about. A few of the shows I auditioned for were A Christmas Carol, Hansel & Gretel, Fiddler on the Roof, The Pajama Game, and South Pacific twice. One of the difficult things about auditions is that they are all different. Just when I think I know what I am doing they change something like cutting our 16 bar audition to 8 bars?!? My nerves don’t calm down until bar 12. You can see how this creates a problem for me! Despite this I still like to think I am getting better with each audition. It helps that I have had lots of friends at the auditions with me!

2013 Wrap Up!

Good bye 2013!

Because my entries were rather sparse during the second half of the year I have included a few of the highlights….

September- My Aunt Lynette and Aunt Joanna came to visit. We saw Cinderella. We also went out to eat and shopped a little bit. I worked full time the one week they were here.

October- I did another workshop with Rance. Performing for casting directors always makes me nervous but I love the workshop setting because I get feed back. It was a great experience! 

November- Paul, Emily, and Josiah came out to visit me for Thanksgiving. We played in Central Park, walked around Times Square and Rockefeller Center and ate in Chinatown. It was a great time!

Enjoying a salted carmel shake at Harlem Shake. Yum!

Teaching Josiah how to drive, it's never too early to start.

December- I still cared for my charge and attended auditions. I went to my sister’s for Christmas. We had a really good time playing and talking. The French Sunday School class sang a French carol in Sacrament meeting. They want us to sing again, which we will do. I also played my flute in church. I celebrated my 35th birthday with a few great friends. We went to dinner at Tony Di Napoli’s. It was a lovely time! I can’t believe I am 35, in fact I try not to think about it!

This sign greeted me when I entered my room at my sister's house!

Making a gingerbread (graham cracker) train.

My sister's beautiful family reading the Christmas story, makes me think of that line from Pride & Prejudice (LDS version)? "If she wasn't my best friend I would probably hate her." I am glad we are friends!

A little trampoline fun! Making popcorn!

The year was full of fun and family. I had many visitors for which I am grateful. I love it when family and friends come to visit. I am blessed. It was a fabulous year. Here is hoping 2014 is just as good, if not better!