To Jump or Not To Jump? That is the Question

They say when you are learning a new skill progress isn't necessarily a gradual incline but more like steps. You improve a little and then hit a plateau. You are on the plateau for awhile until you have a break through or learn something new and your skills increase until you hit another plateau and the cycle continues. So I feel like I have been on this plateau for awhile now. I think I know what I need to do but am just a little hesitant. Let me explain.

I have already written about the need to be vulnerable in acting but for some reason is seems to be a reoccurring theme. Some of my walls have come down, okay maybe one or two but there are still so many up. Why is this so scary for me? Why can't I just be myself? I am so frustrated! It seems to come so easily for others. Well, for one thing walls make us safe. We carry them around with us, our own cage. I can appear adventurous by moving to NYC and pursuing my dream of performing but changing my interior is much more difficult. Unfortunately I brought my walls with me to NYC. They will always be with me unless I decide to do something about them.

So what is the answer? Vulnerability. I must jump off a cliff and plunge into the unknown giving up what little control I think I have. What? No thanks. I know this is what I need to do though. In order to progress in my acting career I need to expose myself by being vulnerable. I feel like this man overlooking the cliff.

Actually, I feel like I have been at the cliff for quite sometime, pacing back and forth for days, weeks, and months debating whether I should jump or not. Acting class helps but the idea is so scary! What will happen if I do jump? What if there is nothing down there to catch me? What if I regret jumping, there is no way to get back up! What is even at the bottom? I can't see what is down there. So I wait, I pace and debate should I jump or should I not. Meanwhile precious time is wasting!

For obvious reasons, a couple of my favorite sayings are, "Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, that's where the fruit is" or "A ship in a harbor is safe but that's not what ships are made for." So I ponder and pray that the pacing will stop and that one day I will be able to do it, just jump over the edge! And perhaps, just maybe, I'll get used to it? I might even start to enjoy it.