My Biggest Fan!

Many of you know I spent almost a year and a half living with and caring for my grandma. It was such a good experience. To little kids grandma is a fun, loving, caring person. This is wonderful and how it should be but I got to know my grandma's personality. I learned what annoyed her, what made her laugh, and what she worried about. I came to know her as a person, a person with desires, ideas and feelings. I am ashamed to say that sometimes I even hurt her feelings. I am least proud of those moments. But to her credit she always forgave me (it helped that her memory was going). No, but she is really one of the most patient, forgiving, loving, considerate people I know.

And she listened to me sing the same songs over and over as I prepared to move to NYC. She is my favorite audience! Many times over the years I have played my flute for her and sang for her. She sits quietly with a smile on her face, soaking in the sometimes beautiful music I make. She never tires of hearing me. She never judges or criticizes my wrong notes or mistakes. She just sits and enjoys. She always tells me how lovely the music is and what a good job I am doing.

Needless to say I miss her. If only the casting directors would respond in such a way, instead I get rejection after rejection. But all I need to do is remember my grandma. She loves me, she thinks I am amazing! These are the things I tell myself whenever I get down. It does help that I get to talk with her on the phone. She is always supportive and kind. Below is one of the conversations we had:

Grandma: You are a winner to me! I don't know why it takes them so long to figure it out!

Me: You are my favorite audience, grandma!

Grandma: I like being your audience, I just wish it did you some good.

Me: It does do me good! (Then I explained how her support helps me.)

She is not really a big city girl so she has a hard time understanding why I moved here. She is constantly asking if I still like it and when I am coming back. She said this the other day, "I really wish you wouldn't like it there so you would come back but I know you like it so I won't wish that. I'm glad you are happy." Isn't she amazing? So selfless and thoughtful. I hope I can be like her someday! I assured her that I would see her next summer. I also promised that as soon as I am rich and famous my money would go to plane tickets to visit her more often!

I think this is Memorial Day visiting my grandpa's grave.