About a month ago I went to a friend's house to have lunch. We spent a few minutes visiting before eating. As she shared a story about her family I had strong feelings of sadness and jealousy well up inside of me. I knew if I allowed myself to experience those feelings tears would soon be streaming down my face. In order to avoid this from happening I suppressed the feelings, pushing them way down deep. I didn't want to be one of those whiny single women who cries when others talk about their family!
It was only later that I realized what a horrible mistake I had made. Because I was afraid of looking stupid I lost an opportunity to connect with my friend. Instead I put on a happy (fake) face and pretended like everything was okay and felt disingenuous during the rest of our visit. Here was a chance for me to share my feelings, be vulnerable with a friend and I wouldn't allow it. I have no doubt my friend would have reacted with love and compassion towards me and I believe our friendship would have been stronger had I been more honest.
It's funny, I take all of these acting classes to learn how to be myself on stage but I can't even do it in real life!!! Back to acting classes I go. Maybe between stage and real life there is hope that someday I will learn how to be authentic by allowing myself to be vulnerable.
These thoughts have reminded me of a Ted talk I listened to a long time ago. Brene Brown discusses the Power of Vulnerability. She explains the essential part vulnerability plays in making connections with others. I would highly recommend her speech. I have found her ideas to be true both on and off stage.
Here is the link to her Ted talk and a few of my favorite quotes.
https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability#t-782684
"Connection is why we are here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives. This is what it's all about."
"In order for connection to happen we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen."
"Vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness but it appears it is also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love."
Thanks for sharing this. I have often been known to do the same thing. I feel that sadness welling up inside of me and I do everything that I can to push it away. What a great lesson it is to allow ourselves to be "real" with those we are close to. That is something that I know I can work on...I just haven't because of "fear".
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