Days 3 and 4 of musical workshop

Wednesday night we worked with a casting director named Scott. He was very nice, professional and demanding. I must admit I got a little nervous listening to him describe his disappointing stories about bringing people in for directors and then watching them crash and burn! Um, okay, no pressure!

I sang "There's a Fine, Fine Line" from Avenue Q. It went well. He said I needed to stop listening to my voice and act, be in the moment. Apparently, I can't rock either (been trying to break that habit for awhile now) and he said I need to smile and find the joy in the piece. Smile? Really, while I am so nervous?!? No, they were all good comments, heard them all before.

Then I sang "Far From the Home I Love" from Fiddler on the Roof. Before I started he shared that this is one of his favorite songs. Oh goodie, now I am not nervous! It went well. This one is easier for me to sing than the other one. He did say I had a beautiful voice and that I didn't need to listen to it. He helped me think about the lyrics and the character, suggested I needed to make it more personal. I agree with everything he said. He was kind and said he hoped to see me again soon!

Thursday night we worked with Michael. He was also very kind and easy to work with. He said I needed a new head shot (they have all said this). I just got my hair cut and when I get it highlighted I will get a new headshot. He said I was prettier and younger than I look in my photo. How nice! I never want it to be the other way around. After singing my three songs for him he pointed out that I get in my own way. Hum, I have never thought that before! That is the story of my life! How do I fix this, get over my nerves? I actually asked him. He said you kind of just have to say f&*$ it and do it! I have heard those words many times. Now all I need is the courage to do it! Something to pray for...

I sang "Hopelessly Devoted to You" from Grease for my first song. This one is more difficult vocally and I had never sang it for anyone so I was nervous but I received some good instructions that included singing with my water bottle as a microphone and dancing in front of the mirror. This was silly and embarrassing but definitely helped me loosen up. After this I sang it standing still and it was much better than the first time. Oh so much to learn!

I sang "I'll Know" from Guys and Dolls next. I love this song and it sits well in my voice. I let loose and sang. Michael was sincerely impressed with my voice especially since the previous song didn't really show off my voice. He did a couple of double takes while listening. It was really fun to see him so pleasantly surprised! I don't know how many people have to tell me before I start believing that I have a good voice and can actually sing!

Because of extra time we got to sing a third song, I sang "My New Philosophy" from You're a Good Man Charlie Brown. After I sang it Michael said that he usually doesn't like this song but that he actually enjoyed it that time. Score! He and Rance gave me a few suggestions, which involved walking around the room like a crazy person, and I sang it again. It went better this time of course. I still need to work on my poses and energy for this song, lots to do. But I do like the song so it shouldn't be too hard to put the effort into it. My vocals were much better Thursday, Michael did say I could sing. I did this song on Tuesday night and the acting was much better but boy I rarely hit a note or beat. But one thing at a time.

Nerves. I must overcome them! Michael pointed out that when I am in control and confident in the audition room the auditors can relax because they know I have it under control but if I am nervous it makes them nervous and they aren't sure if I can do what I want to do.

It was a great workshop. I am glad I did it. It is really helpful for me to perform every night. My nerves are so much calmer that fourth night. Two auditions next week! Wish me luck and confidence!

Day #2 of musical theater workshop

This week I am participating in a musical theater workshop. Every night a different casting director comes to work with us. It is great exposure and a rare opportunity to get feedback from those in the business.

Last night we worked with Rance Wright, a manager/coach and director of the workshop. There are five other people performers in the group and everyone of them has an agent. When I found that out I knew I didn't belong. I became very intimidated and rightly so, because they were all amazing! They have all performed on tours and had many jobs. Then I went up and sang my songs. It was awful! Let's just say there is a reason I didn't write a post about it. But after a few tears, prayers, and a good night's sleep tonight's performance went much better.

I sang for Jason from Binder Casting. My two songs were "I'll Know" from Guys and Dolls and "My New Philosophy" from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I made it through without letting my nerves get the best of me. I enjoyed singing the songs and got some awesome feed back. Now I know what to work on with those songs.

I am not sure what changed or how I was able to come back from a night like last night but I am sure happy with the results! Actually, I might know what made the difference. As I was praying last night I got the impression I needed to be more humble. Crazy, isn't it? In this industry of confidence and "look at me" I was prompted to be more humble?!? But when I think about it I was intimidated by the others because I was comparing myself to them, I knew I was not as good as them. This made me feel anxious and uncomfortable, incapable of measuring up. While praying I realized I should be grateful to be in a class with them, watching them perform and being able to learn from them. This is a more humble attitude. It was my pride that was threatened by them, making me more nervous and self-conscious. So today I tried to be more humble, content with where I was. Instead of comparing myself to others I tried to be satisfied with who I am and where I am at. With this attitude I was less nervous, it was easier to be confident.

Damsel in waiting but not in distress.

Why isn’t what I am doing enough? Why do people have to ask questions like “Where will you move next? I hear the singles scene is better in this city, why don’t you try there? How long will you stay in NYC?” Hell, why can’t I just live my life? Why can’t I just do what I love and let that be enough?! I know, I know, you all know I want me to get married which is why you bring it up but for once can’t you just be supportive and ask me about what I am doing? Believe me when there is a potential guy you will hear about it. You all claim that I can be a happy person on my own but then are unable to treat me that way. Plus, I am constantly being reminded that the grass isn’t greener on the other side, married people have problems too (fyi I hate this argument, single people have problems too but can you blame me for not wanting to face these problems alone???) So in one breath you say the grass isn’t always greener... and in the very next one you are trying to convince me to move to DC or Salt Lake or maybe California. Really?!? Besides why am I the one who has to go traipsing around the country looking for him? Why doesn’t he come and find me for a change? I want a guy who is motivated to look for his better half (aka me). This is why I am going to stay right here and pursue my dreams, not matter how long it takes; time is the one thing I do have! So if any of you meet whatever his name is and see that he is searching for me, his better half, please tell him where I am which is right here in NYC participating in the many things that I love, the most important one being the Church! And that is enough!

I do not mean to point fingers at anyone that might have prompted this post. Though there are a few family members who might be guilty, I hold no ill will towards you. I know you are just trying to help. No doubt these conversations bother me because the voices in my head are saying the same thing! The point is I am not mad at anyone I just had to get some things off my chest. I do appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts in my behalf as I patiently wait for my other half, I couldn't make it without your help. Thank you!