To Jump or Not To Jump? That is the Question

They say when you are learning a new skill progress isn't necessarily a gradual incline but more like steps. You improve a little and then hit a plateau. You are on the plateau for awhile until you have a break through or learn something new and your skills increase until you hit another plateau and the cycle continues. So I feel like I have been on this plateau for awhile now. I think I know what I need to do but am just a little hesitant. Let me explain.

I have already written about the need to be vulnerable in acting but for some reason is seems to be a reoccurring theme. Some of my walls have come down, okay maybe one or two but there are still so many up. Why is this so scary for me? Why can't I just be myself? I am so frustrated! It seems to come so easily for others. Well, for one thing walls make us safe. We carry them around with us, our own cage. I can appear adventurous by moving to NYC and pursuing my dream of performing but changing my interior is much more difficult. Unfortunately I brought my walls with me to NYC. They will always be with me unless I decide to do something about them.

So what is the answer? Vulnerability. I must jump off a cliff and plunge into the unknown giving up what little control I think I have. What? No thanks. I know this is what I need to do though. In order to progress in my acting career I need to expose myself by being vulnerable. I feel like this man overlooking the cliff.

Actually, I feel like I have been at the cliff for quite sometime, pacing back and forth for days, weeks, and months debating whether I should jump or not. Acting class helps but the idea is so scary! What will happen if I do jump? What if there is nothing down there to catch me? What if I regret jumping, there is no way to get back up! What is even at the bottom? I can't see what is down there. So I wait, I pace and debate should I jump or should I not. Meanwhile precious time is wasting!

For obvious reasons, a couple of my favorite sayings are, "Don't be afraid to go out on a limb, that's where the fruit is" or "A ship in a harbor is safe but that's not what ships are made for." So I ponder and pray that the pacing will stop and that one day I will be able to do it, just jump over the edge! And perhaps, just maybe, I'll get used to it? I might even start to enjoy it.

Rocky and Bridges of Madison County

A few weeks ago I went to see Rocky with Brenda and my Aunt Lynette. We had amazing seats, front row on the left side. The show was fantastic! I loved it! I thought all of the songs were perfectly placed in the story. This movie is one of my favorites, who doesn't love an underdog who also ends up with the girl? How can you not fall in love with Rocky's simple yet genuine approach to life. Rocky was not only persistent in the ring but also in his pursuit of Adrian. She clearly gave him no encouragement but that did not stop him! Their relationships is one of the best in Hollywood movies.

The acting and singing was great! There was definite chemistry between characters. The costumes and sets were great. It was like watching the movie, only with music. At the end they took about twelve rows of audience members and sat them on the stage while the boxing ring was rolled out on top of the empty seats. Right there during the show the theater was transformed into a boxing arena with audience on all four sides.

My favorite part was when Adrian blows up at Paulie. Rocky and Adrian are decorating their Christmas tree when a drunk Paulie comes in cursing, insulting Adrian and demanding that she come home with him. Adrian who is a quiet, reserved woman has had enough; she lets him have it, in a song of course! Rocky, the big tough guy, who could take Paulie down in one second, just stands back and lets her handle it. I love that Rocky respects Adrian and believes in her enough to allow her to handle the situation herself. It was an exhilarating pro woman moment as Adrian tells Paulie that she will no longer put up with his abuse. I loved it!

Love wins!

We also saw Bridges of Madison County. We saw it with my aunt when she was here but since then Brenda and I have seen it again. This show is amazing! The music is beautiful. Kelli O'hara is flawless. I love her voice. She sings so effortlessly. Steven Pasquale was wonderful too. I have no doubt every woman in the room was in love with him by the end of the show.

The subject matter was not the best, a woman cheating on her husband. It is probably not the best to be routing for an affair. I have never wanted someone to leave their family so bad in my life. Any show that produces this kind of desire can't be good (unless the family is abusive or something but this was not the case). But to her credit, Franny makes the right choice and stays with her family, forever blessing the lives of her children. Despite knowing this is the right choice I couldn't start myself from searching for a way that she could have both, the man she loved and stay with her children. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Of course, one part of the story that is left out is how her husband feels about all of this. I know, I know it is only a fictional story but I believe it only proves what an amazing story it is if I can sit and stew about it for days on end. I am left questioning, can you have a relationship with passion and fulfill your duty at the same time? Must I choose one or the other? Don't all relationships start out with passion and then change to duty? Why does the passion die? Must it die?

Before the show (the first time)