Damsel in waiting but not in distress.

Why isn’t what I am doing enough? Why do people have to ask questions like “Where will you move next? I hear the singles scene is better in this city, why don’t you try there? How long will you stay in NYC?” Hell, why can’t I just live my life? Why can’t I just do what I love and let that be enough?! I know, I know, you all know I want me to get married which is why you bring it up but for once can’t you just be supportive and ask me about what I am doing? Believe me when there is a potential guy you will hear about it. You all claim that I can be a happy person on my own but then are unable to treat me that way. Plus, I am constantly being reminded that the grass isn’t greener on the other side, married people have problems too (fyi I hate this argument, single people have problems too but can you blame me for not wanting to face these problems alone???) So in one breath you say the grass isn’t always greener... and in the very next one you are trying to convince me to move to DC or Salt Lake or maybe California. Really?!? Besides why am I the one who has to go traipsing around the country looking for him? Why doesn’t he come and find me for a change? I want a guy who is motivated to look for his better half (aka me). This is why I am going to stay right here and pursue my dreams, not matter how long it takes; time is the one thing I do have! So if any of you meet whatever his name is and see that he is searching for me, his better half, please tell him where I am which is right here in NYC participating in the many things that I love, the most important one being the Church! And that is enough!

I do not mean to point fingers at anyone that might have prompted this post. Though there are a few family members who might be guilty, I hold no ill will towards you. I know you are just trying to help. No doubt these conversations bother me because the voices in my head are saying the same thing! The point is I am not mad at anyone I just had to get some things off my chest. I do appreciate everyone's prayers and thoughts in my behalf as I patiently wait for my other half, I couldn't make it without your help. Thank you!

Musical Reviews

About three weeks ago I had two of my cousins and a good friend here to visit. We had a fabulous time. I'll definitely be posting pictures later. While they were here we went to see a couple of shows, which I must review of course.

Saturday afternoon we went to see Jekyll & Hyde. My cousin Jessica, roommate Karen and I, all sat in the back balcony for the first act and then moved closer for the second act. I read the book years ago so I don't really remember which parts are true to the book. The musical was good. The singing was very good. The music is good. There a few really famous songs in the show. I love the song, "Someone Like You". The acting was alright. They did a nice job. The story is dark. I did not feel myself drawn into the story, empathizing with the characters all that much. Of course, this is why I go to the theater to feel something, to experience what the characters are going through. I didn't really get that in this show. It was amazing though, the sets, costumes, and singing. The music was also really, really loud. When we moved up for the second act I had to sit with my ears plugged in order to enjoy the show. I was in the balcony and it was blasting. But I do have sensitive ears, often plugging them as the subway roars by.

Monday night we went to see Newsies. This was my second time seeing the show. I sat in the balcony this time. I must admit I prefer the middle orchestra seats I had the first time. The production was great. I loved the dancing and singing. I was not as impressed with the acting this time even though most of the cast was exactly the same. I was less caught up in the story this time. Maybe it was because this was my second time and I was just noticing different things. Even with all of that said I left thinking, I have to see it again! I have more family coming in June so maybe that will be possible! The story is just so positive and inspirational. I love it! It is a must see for everyone!

Modeling audition

I almost forgot my one semi-successful audition. I saw an ad for a modeling audition. They were looking for petite models. I fit the description of height, dress and shoe size so I figured I would try it. Plus I wouldn't have to sing or dance so I might have a chance! I got all dressed up and took my picture and resume to the audition. There were only about eight of us. We stood in the hallway while a woman took our picture and resume into a back room for some to see. A few minutes later she came out and told a few of us to try again in about six months and others she gave a card and told them to email this man to set up an appointment. She asked me to set up an appointment! I made it, I guess. I promptly returned home to email this man so we could meet. He emailed back and asked for pictures. I emailed him the pictures and he said thanks. That was it. I haven't heard from him since. So, I guess they have me on file? I was chosen but not really? It was a good ego booster for a few days. So much to learn about this industry...

Other auditions

A few weeks ago I tried to audition for a musical. I can't even remember what is was, oh I remember it was Beauty and the Beast, the touring company. I would love to be in that show! I went in the morning, this time not early enough. There were about 150 people already there. I had to be at work at noon and wouldn't be able to wait around so I came home. Thus paying bills trumped my audition. Responsible? Yes. Depressing? Yes.

Then I went to this dance audition for a summer theater in New Jersey. I know, I said I wouldn't go to anymore dance auditions! I went and they had us do a little fox trot diddy and a tap number. Yep, I should've left when I heard about the tap requirement but I stayed and faked it. It was awful! What am I thinking? Needless to say I didn't make it very far!

I beat myself up for going to this auditions that I can't do but maybe it's not so bad. I have heard several stories of people doing poorly at auditions but so and so was there and remembered them so they were invited to do a different project. And I'm an actress. I was acting the part of a tap dancer. Lol! Do you like how I try and make myself feel better? It's all about getting experience. Somehow I don't think I'm getting smarter at this auditioning stuff. I will have to work on this!

Audition attempts & other random thoughts

Last  Wednesday I went to the auditions for the touring company of Wicked. Oh, how I would love to be in that musical. I got up early and sat in line for two hours. It was an "Equity Chorus Call" which means they audition all of the equity or union performers first and then if they have time they see those that are not a part of the union, i.e. me. Wicked is a popular show, knowing this I went early to make sure I was on the non-equity list (sometimes they just have time to see the first 30 or so, on the non-equity list). But because Wicked is so popular (lol, I have the song running through my head now) all of the equity performers were there. Anyway, after sitting for two hours we were told that they would only have time to see equity performers today. Ugh! Really? Well, it was a nice thought. Maybe next time.

It is always nerve racking to sit and wait hours before you perform. I don't like it. I want to sing and practice but I am sitting with a hundred other performers so it isn't really the place for that. I just sit and wait and read. I just finished reading "Rita Moreno: A Memoir". She is the actress who won an Oscar for her role as Anita in the film West Side Story. It was an interesting read. It didn't contain quite as much about acting as rather more about her relationships. I guess this should not be surprising considering it is not so much what we do that gives us satisfaction as it is our relationships. They are what give life purpose.

Anyway, Ms. Moreno talks about the voice in her head that kept saying she wasn't pretty enough or wasn't smart enough, wasn't a good enough dance, didn't belong in Hollywood, etc. The thing that annoyed me in the book was I felt like she talked about the voice as if it was unique to her and nobody knows what it's like. Hello! We all have that voice in our head, Ms. Moreno. It is not unique to you! Knowing this I wish she would have spent more time explaining how she overcame this voice, how she got rid of it. Maybe she just learned to deal with it. Maybe it never goes away, maybe I just have to learn how to ignore it. I would like to read the book that answers these questions. Anyone know where I can find such a book?

Broadway Reviews

Though I have not been auditioning as much I have been busy attending plays and musicals. Ever the critic I have been dying to share my opinions about them.

In January I had a friend visiting. We went to see Picnic. This William Inge play was about a small town in Kansas and how the visit of a strange man changes things for the residents. The cast included stars such as Ellen Burstyn. Maggie Grace and other stage and movie stars appeared in the play. Needless to say I was excited to see the show. You know how you get totally engrossed in a play and the lives of the characters that you almost forget it is fiction? Well, this never happened in this case. Something was off in the play. I'm not sure what it was but I never got lost in the play. I sat there thinking, "this is a weird play" or "why did they say that line like that?" It just didn't gel. There were two supporting roles that were very well done but for the most part I was completely disappointed. Did they not have enough time to practice? Was the director honestly happy with that performance? There is one good thing that came out of the show. My confidence gets a boost when I see a show like this. I know it's sad but true. There is hope. I can be on stage. If that is all you have to do, I'm in! I know theater should be better than that but seeing a show like this does give me hope.

The first week in February was amazing! I saw three shows in one week. What a great city I live in! The first was the NYC Ballet. A friend had extra tickets so I got to attend for free! We had tickets on the second or third row, how cool! They performed a waltz number, a jazz one and a classical piece. They were amazing. I thoroughly recommend it to anyone. They were so beautiful!

Then on Wednesday afternoon I went with a friend to see the play The Heiress starring Jessica Chastain, David Strathairn, Dan Stevens and others. The play written by Ruth & Augustus Goetz focuses on an heiress, her awful father, and a young man. The young man pursues the young heiress but the father thinks he is just after her money. Despite being extremely exhausted that day I loved the play. It was fabulous. I became engrossed in the characters' lives and desperately wanted to know what would happen to them. There is a heart wrenching part in the play when the heiress realizes no one loves her. This was awful to watch. I wanted to run up and give her a hug. It was very well done. I love seeing the actors live. There is nothing like it. I am so glad I got to see it before it closed!

Saturday afternoon Brenda and I went to see the musical The Mystery of Edwin Drood. This muscial by Rupert Holmes is based off of an unfinished novel by Charles Dickens. In the musical there are theater actors that put on this mystery for you, the audience. I must admit it was quite confusing to have the actors playing actors and parts in the play. It was hard for me to keep it all straight. The music was good but the songs were all so very fast and it was difficult to understand all of the words which led to more confusion. The unique part of this musical is that the actors let you decide who killed Edwin Drood and they perform whichever ending the audience voted for. They offer discounts for those who want to see it again to see a different ending. This made the show more fun although it would have been even more fun had I understood what was happening but then I am not the sharpest tool in the tool box. The singing and dancing was really good. Chita Rivera also performed in the show. Yep, the Chita Rivera who played Anita in West Side Story. It sure was fun to see her perform live.

Just last Friday night a friend took me to see Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark. The sets were fabulous! I was completely amazed at how they changed and transformed. They did such a good job of showing the different perspectives you would see if you were following Spider-Man through the city. And I loved how they used the huge TV screen in the back too. I must admit I was less impressed with the music and storytelling. I thought they tried to stick to the movie too much. I think they could have told the same story but used more creativity and freedom that the stage offers. For example during one song Peter Parker is singing and there are ten Spider-Mans dancing behind him. It strayed from the literal (you are not supposed to know there are 10 others that swing from the wings!) but it was about the concept, that he had this identity, this power inside of him that he had to use. I loved that part! Also the play was over 2 1/2 hours long. It included several songs that I didn't think were vital to the story which left me asking why they were even put in there! I am glad I got to see it. The singing and acting was good. The show was good overall just not the hit I was expecting.

Back to my blog and auditioning

It has been months since I last posted. I must apologize to my three followers. I was...busy but not really. Well, I did lose my job. This did cause some stress and soul-searching, ah heck, I am always doing the soul-searching! Thankfully, I found another job as a nanny. I watch a little girl after school, Monday-Friday. She is tons of fun. The job is part time so I am able to attend auditions in the morning and evening. During my unemployment I didn't attend many auditions but I have done a few which I would like to report on.

Phantom of the Opera frequently has auditions for the corps de ballet. I went to this audition in Vegas once. They have you dance on pointe shoes, ballet, I can do this! What was I thinking? I hate pointe shoes! They kill your feet especially when it has been years since you've danced in them. At the audition they announced that they have no current openings they just want to see who is out there? I mean this is ridiculous! Who does job interviews when there is no opening? What is more ridiculous is the fact that 100 girls danced at the audition even though there is no opening. I mean are we desperate or what? Talk about a flooded market! What would have happened had we all walked out? I am just bitter because my feet hurt. I almost left early. It's a strange pride thing, "I must prove to myself that I can do the audition" The stupid thing is that if I got the part I would have to dance on pointe shoes every night. Why would I want to do that? Then why was I there? I am still trying to figure that out. I am not the brightest crayon in the box. The one good thing about that audition was that I got to see my dear friend, Deanna who is also a dancer.

Reasons to Be Pretty is a play that I auditioned for a couple of weeks ago. Brenda, my manager came with me. I went and read lines from the play. I did it. It was awkward. I felt like a little kid auditioning for the NBA. At least I tried? I am not sure that is what you would say to the kid trying to get into the NBA but I did try. You would probably tell them to keep practicing. This is what I'll do. I am excited to start another acting class in a few weeks! Training and more training is what I need!

The Little Mermaid was my next audition. They wanted us to do a ballet combination in our flat shoes, no pointe shoes! Can there be anything better? Plus, they were casting for Starlight Theater in KC, MO. I could be near my sister! I was excited. Again, my friend Deanna was there. We did our little combination, which I thought I did very well and then I was dismissed. Darn! As I left I noticed all of the girls that were asked to stay. They all seemed very tall. Oh well, their loss!

Prather Entertainment Group has companies in Pennsylvania and Florida. I am not even sure what shows their seasons consist of but I went anyway. I sang "Raunchy" from 110 in the Shade. It went well. I was nervous as always but I made it through. I might even be getting better at it. I was number 260 on the audition list. When the woman at the desk said I wouldn't be seen until after 3pm I told her I had to be at work at 2:30pm. She kindly moved me up to #60. She was so nice to do that so I could audition.

The Footloose audition was another dance audition. I went over an hour early and was #110 on the list. As I sat there waiting I realized that I didn't want to be there. Do I really want to be on stage dancing every night? Not really so why am I here? When the audition started they announced that they would only have time to see equity dancers which means that the other 200 of us could go home.

My soul-searching has included a lot of pondering on what I want and where I should focus my energy. I don't really want to be dancing on stage. I would rather be acting. Singing is my second choice and dancing is my third choice. So I will focus on acting. I know it seems ridiculous and backwards but that is what I want. Sometimes going after what you want makes the least amount of sense but at the same time isn't that where you will find the most fulfillment?